


i'm glad you haven't died yet

by kawaiipose



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: AU - shane has powers, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Future! AU, I need sleep, M/M, Pining Shane Madej, Protective Shane Madej, SHANE WILL SAVE RYAN AT ALL COSTS, Trust, fluff-ish, i wrote this late at night again, its a soft fic i swear, little to no angst, mutual pining in the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:47:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23788060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kawaiipose/pseuds/kawaiipose
Summary: “Do you ever think about how you’ll die?”If only Ryan knew how much he thought about it. How much he knew about it.Shane can see everyone's futures. And Ryan's is riddled with death. He's determined to save Ryan from the ever-present claws of death... and maybe he falls somewhere along the way.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 10
Kudos: 240





	i'm glad you haven't died yet

“Do you ever think about how you’ll die?”

The words ring out in the darkness of the room. Shane had said goodnight to Ryan hours ago, curling into his separate sleeping bag, ready to succumb to sleep. The question pulls him as far out of sleep as possible. Shane’s wide awake.

If only Ryan knew how much he thought about it. How much he _knew_ about it.

“I’ve already _told_ you,” he begins, “I wanna be”-

“No, no, not the Unsolved answer.” Shane knows that roughly translates to _cut the bullshit._ “Not just something people can laugh about, joke about. Like, for real.”

Shane pretends to ponder, as if he’s dying anytime soon. “Hmm... I guess I wanna die peacefully... in my sleep, old age. And not because of crippling cancer. Just... old. I wanna live forever.”

“Forever? Forever is too long, big guy,” and Ryan is laughing, like death is _funny._ Shane would find it ironic if it didn’t tug harshly at his heartstrings.

Shane knew Ryan was going to die.

-

Everyone does, so it doesn’t _scare_ Shane per-se. none of the deaths he’s seen ever _scares_ him.

Shane sees Ryan dying in _every_ scenario and it really scares him. And Shane can see nearly every possible future _ever._ Ryan seems to have the future against him.

Shane doesn’t know when it’s coming but he knows he doesn’t want it to be anytime soon. He goes down the stairs first, _always,_ ready to catch Ryan if he trips and falls. He walks close to him down dark alleyways, making sure to look all around him, so if there _is_ an attack, Shane will face it, not Ryan. Whenever they’re together atop higher buildings, whether it be a skyscraper or just a two-storey, Shane steered Ryan _far_ away from any windows, railings, edges. Shane was sometimes hesitant to hand Ryan simple things like butter knives and staplers, because the _what if_ rang in his head, the future playing out for him to see.

Shane knows he’ll live for a long time. The date is set, far, far away.

So he makes it his life’s mission to keep Ryan Bergara alive for as long as he can.

-

Ryan’s tiny. He swears he’s 5’10 (“Which isn’t even that short! Average height!”), but anything under 6 foot is short for Shane, who towers over most. He’s got jet black hair and jet black eyes, and Shane can’t help but observe that his teeth are a little too big for his mouth. His hair is wavy when he doesn’t brush it; curls stick up around his head. Stubble grows quickly, so Ryan shaves a lot, so you know how productive Ryan is going to be depending on his amount of facial hair. It’s an odd combination of features, and separate they’re not particularly appealing, but there’s something about the combination of features on Ryan’s body that makes it work. Maybe its his tanned skin or the fact that he spends an alarming amount of time at the gym, Shane’s not really sure. But it works. It works really well.

-

That night in the dark keeps Shane more alert for the next month. He racks his brain, watching every future. There’s not a single happy ending for Bergara still. He watches him tumble down stairs, fall out of windows, get mugged, get murdered, you name a way to die, Ryan’s future shows it. But there’s an odd tinge to them, a sense of fulfilment that wasn’t there before, that scares Shane more. _This_ future Ryan isn’t scared when he dies. Neither is the next future Ryan. Or the next. It seems Ryan’s fear of death has been somewhat cured. Future Ryan isn’t _okay_ with dying, per-se, but his last moments are no longer filled with a lingering _what if?_

It doesn’t cure Shane’s fears. He always walks first down the stairs, sits Ryan down with him far from any windows. But there is a part of him that feels hopeful.

Ryan’s future was changing.

-

Shane doesn’t know where his powers come from and he doesn’t question them. He learnt long ago not to share his gift with anyone. In Chicago, he was a pinnacle – go see Shane, he’ll read your palm! He doesn’t even need tarot cards! It was a lot of harassing and pestering from old people, desperate to escape their inevitable deaths, misguided souls dying to know if they’d ever amount to anything. He didn’t want that in LA. He didn’t want to be _Shane, the mind reader! Shane, the walking-talking fortune cookie! Shane, they key to solving all your problems! Shane, the teller, the one who knows how you’ll die!_

He was just Shane here. Shane the Unsolved host. Shane, funny, quirky, one-of-a-kind, and not in the crazy mind reading way. He loved being special because he _was,_ not because of a stupid curse he was born with. He liked being Shane, that really tall guy! Shane? Yeah he cracks me up!

He loved being Shane Madej, Ryan Bergara’s best friend.

-

He doesn’t pinpoint when being Ryan’s _friend_ doesn’t sound like enough, because it’s too hard to pinpoint a moment.

Like, it could have been _years_ ago, when Ryan grinned at him and reached to pat his shoulder (Ryan struggling on his tiptoes), treating Shane like he’d known him for his whole life when he’d barely known him an hour. Or maybe it was one of the countless nights in ‘haunted’ locations, Ryan subconsciously reaching out to Shane for comfort while he slept. Or maybe it was when Shane finally allowed himself to peer into Ryan’s future and finding it riddled with death. Maybe it was that night in the darkness (“Do you ever think about how you’ll die?”). Or maybe it was this morning, when Ryan brought him coffee and a muffin for breakfast with a wide smile, a smile Shane wanted to protect at all costs. A smile he wanted to _save._ He didn’t know when or how, he couldn’t pick just one _when._ But he knew something had changed. Even if it was just him changing, he didn’t care.

-

Shane wasn’t the only change. Instead of breaking his neck down the stairs, future Ryan just broke an ankle. Instead of crashing through a window, he bumps into it and it cracks eerily, but nothing more. When he walks down dark paths with a drunk Ryan clinging to his side, Shane can no longer see an attack, a mugging, a murder, no matter how much he strains his vision. Sure, he still sees Ryan crashing into a car, or an airplane he’s catching crashing into the sea, but the subtler deaths, the more frequent, more likely to occur? Shane can’t see them anymore.

But he doesn’t let down his guard. When Ryan suggests they take a flight to London for the next Unsolved episode, Shane convinces him to go interstate instead. When Ryan goes to run through traffic, annoyed about being late to the office, Shane grabs his wrist and pulls him into his chest as a car speeds by, honking angrily.

He expects Ryan to laugh, or push Shane away, but for a moment they’re both just staring, and Ryan’s ears go pink and Shane knows they should stop... whatever this is because the signal is green and they can cross the road and they won’t be late but he can’t look away. It’s not until the lights beep a warning of 10 more seconds to cross that they both look away and run across the road, breaking _whatever_ the moment was.

-

When Shane looks into Ryan’s future he sees children. Sometimes a woman accompanies the children, but the woman is always changing. Sometimes Ryan rocks a child in his arms, whispering _“he’ll be home soon”_ into the little child’s ear. Sometimes Ryan lives in a huge house, sometimes he goes to work in a big office building. Sometimes he’s still around LA, still working at Buzzfeed and at Watcher, but the future around that is blurry, like he isn’t permitted to see it. He understands – he’s not allowed to see his future, but he knows a date: the date he will die.

Sometimes Ryan looks bright and happy. He looks like _himself,_ like no time has passed, and if you ignore the wrinkles beginning to form around his eyes and the grey hairs sticking out in his curls here and there, it’s as if Shane is seeing _now_ Ryan, not future Ryan. Sometimes Ryan’s still stupid, tripping and falling to his death, jumping in an elevator, causing it to tumble down, down, down, carrying Ryan with it. There’s stupid deaths here and there, but Ryan has _multiple_ happy futures now. He still eventually dies, still relatively young, but it looks like Ryan is finally living.

There’s some futures that still scare Shane. Ryan isn’t dying. Isn’t in immediate danger. He’s staring outside, eyes cloudy. A feeling hangs in the air, stifling, choking future Ryan, tears forming in his eyes.

_What if?_

-

Shane starts to ease up around the office. When Ryan runs around the office dangerously close to the windows, Shane lets him, watching him with humoured eyes. When Ryan wants to go get drunk, Shane accompanies him, and not just to make sure he doesn’t die. No... Shane just wants to have fun in a club with Ryan because he’s not dying for a while now, and Shane can relax.

When Ryan takes the stairs, Shane still goes first, but he doesn’t turn around, ready to catch him. When they wander down the dark streets back to Shane’s, completely wasted, Shane doesn’t need to _see_ because Ryan is safe, right in front of him.

Shane is fumbling with his keys when Ryan slumps against him, asleep. Shane turns gently, not wanting to awaken him, looking down at Ryan’s peaceful face squished against his side. For a moment he lets himself stare. Months ago he thought Ryan’s features were rather odd, attractive, sure, but misplaced. But now, looking at the younger sleep so calmly he sees how pretty Ryan really is. His eyelashes are long, curling up softly, his cheeks dotted with very faint freckles that Shane can only see from this close. Ryan’s lip look soft, which is odd, because even Shane’s lips were chapped by the winter wind. Ryan looks like an angel in this lighting, the soft yellow bouncing off his curls and – fuck, Shane is _really drunk._ He turns again, fitting his key into his lock.

Ryan awakes as Shane tries to carry him along into the apartment. It catches Shane off guard when he turns from shutting the door to se Ryan’s jet black, doe-like eyes staring up at him (Shane is vaguely aware that his drunk self is _very_ observant, almost creepily so). He smiles, reaching up and pinching Shane’s cheek, and Shane blushes because _Ryan’s never done that before._

“I’m glad you haven’t died yet,” Shane whispered, barely realising he had said it aloud.

Ryan smiles, his eyes drooping. He was gonna fall asleep again soon.

Shane isn’t sure why he does it. The alcohol? The setting? His eyelashes? The way the light had bounced off his hair, almost like a halo? Maybe he’s wanted this for months but he was too scared. Or maybe this was a new level of attraction. Or maybe this was a touch he never needed, never really _craved_ from Ryan until the pull was too strong and he was already doing it before he could realise.

Shane kisses Ryan with closed lips, and they barely brush his. Even in his boldness, Shane is shy.

Ryan pushes back into him, their lips now flush against one another. It’s bittersweet, because Shane knows that now he’s tasted it he’s going to want to taste it again and again every day for as long as he lives, and he knows this might be the last time he ever kisses Ryan ever again.

So he deepens it for just a moment, putting all this... _feeling_ into it, giving Ryan all he has. Then he’s stepping away, staring into Ryan’s eyes and he just knows Ryan is going to be too wasted to recall this in the morning. His eyes are already drooping and his consciousness is fading and Shane is _fine_ with it, it stings but he’s okay.

He helps Ryan to the couch and tucks him under some blankets. He then turns and unties Ryan’s sneakers, pulling them off his feet, because nobody can sleep with shoes on. He hesitates then and turns to the sleeping boy on his couch. He touches his lips in a daze, remembering the feel of Ryan’s against them, the tug at his bottom lip, the skipping of his heart.

Shane’s okay with it.

-

That night he lies in his too-big bed and he realises he really is. He’s okay with being Ryan’s best friend, the Uncle to his children, the friend looking from afar. He’s okay with sticking by Ryan if it means he gets to live. He’s okay with suffering, because he knows that’s why he has this gift. He was destined to save Ryan Bergara. He was destined to fall in love with him, to adore him from the sidelines.

-

He’s 99% certain Ryan doesn’t remember the kiss when he wakes up groaning the next day, and the 1% that isn’t sure is calmed, because Ryan is the kind of guy to mention it, and he doesn’t.

Ryan wakes at midday and they go down the street and get burritos. Ryan complains about his headache, and Shane laughs at him. Ryan drops chipotle sauce onto his shirt and Shane laughs again, handing him all the napkins. Ryan lets out a laugh of his own then, too-big teeth glinting as he throws his head back and cackles. Shane’s eyes follow the movement. Something like sadness grips his heart but he shakes it off.

He’s okay with it.

When Ryan’s face finally settles, no longer bright pink from laughter, Shane lets himself peek into Ryan’s future for the first time in weeks. It’s blurry, but Shane can make out laughter, much like the laughter he just heard. He sees Ryan’s face, a soft smile gracing his lips.

When he searches for death, all he sees is the faint outline of weathered bodies huddled close together, aged and tired, hugging each other as death takes them.

The date is the 27th of August.

Shane sucks in a breath.

-

_Just because it’s the same day does not mean that it’s you in the bed, hugging Ryan as he dies._

_Just because it’s the same day does not mean that it’s you in the bed, hugging Ryan as he dies._

_Just because it’s the same day does not mean that it’s you in the bed, hugging Ryan as he dies._

It doesn’t matter how many times Shane says it to himself, it doesn’t stop his heart from warming in his chest, doesn’t stop his hope from rising.

-

Even though Ryan seemed perfectly fine the day after the kiss, the week after is utter hell.

Shane has a desk _next to Ryan_ and he barely sees him. When he does, the energy between is a far, _far,_ call from the bubbly friendship that encased them when they got burritos. Ryan is distant and cold, always in the kitchen or the conference room or _anywhere_ that was far from Shane. When both the kitchen and the conference room were full Ryan put his headphones on and got stuck into editing, eyes hard, detached, focused. It was like his usual joke-through-work attitude. Sure, Unsolved was Ryan’s baby, and he worked the hardest on it, but he usually liked to have fun whilst at work.

Shane had never felt so alone in Ryan’s presence.

The worst part is that Ryan’s future was suddenly extremely fragile. Shane was on the brink of death _himself_ trying to discreetly steer Ryan away from the large windows, scrambling up to go down the stairs before Ryan could even think about it. Shane was never far behind Ryan, always trying to keep him safe, but he wasn’t an idiot – he could tell when he wasn’t wanted, so he left Ryan alone as much as he could without risking his life.

It definitely made Shane’s _top 10 worst weeks’_ list. In fact, he’d go as far as to say it was very close to being number one. He could live with his love for Ryan being an unrequited affair, but living without Ryan’s friendship was a whole other thing he couldn’t even bring himself to think about. But here he was in his apartment all alone, staring at the wall, wondering where it all went wrong.

Suddenly, a knock at the door. Shane opened his vision. Staircases. Windows. Cars.

Ryan was at his door.

He tried to get up too fast and the blanket he was tangled in gripped awkwardly at his legs and he lost his balance, crashing to the floor, the side of his forehead (maybe his eyebrow? He’d need to check later) hit his coffee table _hard,_ and he cried out in pain. The knocking got louder.

“Shane? Shane! Are you okay? Answer the door, idiot!”

Ignoring the blood trickling from his eyebrow, he untangled himself from the blanket and ran to the door, opening it before he caught his footing and _slam!_ The door knocked him hard in the face

“Oh for fuck _sake!_ ”

“Shane! Oh shit you’re bleeding, oh fuck, oh shit...”

Shane was still rubbing his sore ass nose when Ryan led him back into the apartment, quickly fetching the first aid kit, then sitting Shane down on the edge of the couch. He got to work wiping the blood from Shane’s brow and began talking.

“Look Shane, I don’t know why we never discussed this but we’re _friends,_ best friends even, but even friends have boundaries.”

Shane stopped breathing. Ryan knew about the kiss, he was about to reject Shane, turn his back on him forever and-

“So that’s why... I’m sorry if I made things weird that night. I just... fuck, man, I really like you okay? And I was drunk and kissing you kinda felt like it _had_ to be done, so I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable? It’s just that”-

“Woah, woah, woah, wait, _what?_ ” Shane’s head was throbbing and his vision was kind of blurry so he was almost certain he just heard Ryan wrong. “You’re telling me... you _know_ I kissed you... and _you’re_ apologising? What kind of logic is _that,_ Bergara?”

“Shut up, Shane! You’re the one that kissed me and _didn’t bring it up!_ That whole day I waited for you to bring it up and you didn’t so I assumed it was a mistake but I know it’s hanging in the air between us... at least I have the balls to _say_ sorry, unlike _you._ ”

“Why would I say sorry? I don’t regret it, you idiot!”

“Well I don’t regret it _either,_ doofus!”

Who leaned in first? Who knows.

All that can be known is this: their confession was like everything else in their life together, rushed, passionate, utterly stupid. The kiss they shared? Passionate, rushed. Teeth clacked jarringly, the two of them separating with a joint “owww” before leaning in again, laughing at each other. Shane couldn’t help but think about Ryan’s future, the future with _him_ that shone behind his eyes clear as day. He brought his hands to Ryan’s face, holding the only future he ever wanted within them. He couldn’t help but smile.

All that can be known is Shane was put on the planet Earth to save Ryan Bergara, a soul tangled with death and accidents. Shane gave Ryan a future, Ryan gave Shane a purpose.

And that’s kind of poetic in a way, isn’t it?

Shane smiled again.

**Author's Note:**

> oh jesus im tired.  
> please enjoy and comment feedback!! thank you <3


End file.
